She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
