he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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