i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have fence marks all over my body
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
