Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
