Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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