I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
