You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
