dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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