We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
