it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
