the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
