he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Even my vagina gasped.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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