oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
