I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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