I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
