Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
