Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
