I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
