and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
