she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
