I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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