Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
