i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
