you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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