Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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