im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just had sex on a roof
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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