yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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