member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
