my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
