So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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