We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
