he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
