I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
