shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
