I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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