I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
