He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
