but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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