Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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