so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
