There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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