That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think I won the penis lottery.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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