i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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