textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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