What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
