she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
