Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
