Please, let me fuck your mom
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
