Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
