Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
