Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
