Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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