toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
