just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
