Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
