In the future we'll all be gay
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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