guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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