I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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