Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
